Auld Lang Syne

It has certainly been a long time since I last posted...life, as always, seems to move at a pace in which I find myself just trying to keep up...but it is overflowing with blessings and learning experiences...2010 is here, and as I did last year, I've set my sights on many things I hope to accomplish within the next 365 days...

I was unable to see the film "No Impact Man" this year when it came to the Oklahoma City Museum of Art, but the concept behind it intrigued me. A man attempts to minimize his ecological impact by not exhausting electricity, cancelling magazine subscriptions, cooking completely with organic and local ingredients...he decides to live his idea of a deliberate, meaningful life...I teach American literature, and my favorite unit to teach is Transcendentalism...since my first encounter with the ideas of Thoreau and Emerson, I have been completely entranced with the philosophy of living deliberately...I think of how our world would be different if each of us lived with purpose, with passionate desire every single day...and so, this year, I am going to stop saying "I wish I could do this..." or "Wouldn't it be fun to do this?" and I am going to just do...now, the things I want to change from wishes to reality may seem silly or minute, but nonetheless I will strive to accomplish all of these things...

• Join a yoga studio...this is something I have always wanted to do...a way of being good to my body while maintaining discipline and a peaceful spirit...
• Cook one new recipe a week...hopefully, using seasonal and local ingredients...yet another way to support local farmers and producers, AND contribute to our health in a positive way...
• No soda...yikes...and yes, I am even giving up diet...thank goodness for coffee...:)
• No buying new clothes...upon cleaning out my closet multiple times this year and working with several charities this year, I came to the realization that I have more than enough clothes...I like to shop as much as any girl, but it's just not necessary for me to buy new clothes this year...or, perhaps, for longer...
• Create even more music...this was one that I had set for last year, and to an extent I accomplished it (Red River Connection is about to release our first full-length album with original content!)...but, I want to make music that I am creatively attached to and proud of...
• Knit knit knit...last year one of my resolutions was to learn how to sew...I didn't really accomplish this, but I did learn to knit...and I LOVE it...it's an amazing stress reliever and a really great creative outlet...this year, I want to learn more advanced patterns and maybe even make a sweater...woo!
• Put life first...in the teaching and ministry universes, it is so easy to slowly lose a sense of oneself...you put so much time and energy into the well being and futures of others that your identity quickly shifts to being defined by others...while I believe whole-heartedly in the work that Zac and I do in our respective careers, I too often bring home the stories of my students, the burdens of 143 lives...this is exhausting...while I know that I will never truly be able to completely leave all stories behind once I get home, I want to get better at this...so that when I do get home, I can focus once again on all of the beauty and power that each day holds...

What are your deliberate goals this year? How are you going to leave reminders in our world that love and hope and grace still exist? Think about it...and take this as a challenge...this year is going to be remarkable for me...hope it is for you too...peace, dear friends...

Creation and Carbon

Well, this is overdue...my intention was to post regularly, but alas the swift movement of days has kept me occupied...so much I could write about...so much I have learned and felt since January, and I am still striving to maintain balance and peace...for now, I will offer up a piece that I wrote a couple of weeks ago...love to all, beauty to all...

I was born of creation and carbon...
of flesh and of soil...
for everything we live becomes part of us,
and we of it...
when we touch things,
our identity and its building blocks flake off onto each surface and facade...
our breath is breathed back in by those surrounding...
as much as I don't want to admit it,
my energy and surrounding world are my responsibility...
see hands rise from untilled sodden land and
reach for the things that have been made tangible by creation and carbon...
fingers searching for the switch to illuminate the shade...

Cultivating Vertebrae

If you are unaware, there is a fantastic magazine in print called Ode...a publication dedicated to those who truly believe in the power of optimism and how it affects all entities of our lives...a recent issue began with the thoughts of a consistent contributor, Frances Moore Lappe, and I haven't been able to get her words out of my conscience since I read them:

"Like a lot of us, I keep asking myself, 'How did we get into this mess?' Since humans have innate needs and capacities for cooperation, empathy and fairness--which science now confirms--why does so much suffering and destruction continue? For many, the answer seems obvious: Humans just aren't good enough; we need to become better people; we need to overcome selfishness and evolve into more caring and cooperative creatures. I disagree. Since these positive qualities are hard-wired in virtually all of us, maybe what we really need more of is something else: backbone."

This resonated more loudly than it probably should have. A little about me: I am a good listener...I make myself available to people whenever they need me...I am HORRIBLE at standing up for things I truly believe to be good and worthy...this is not because I don't want to, but rather due to my vehement fear of confrontation...I know that not everyone shares my values and opinions, and I appreciate humanity for this...I would just rather not risk having a person scream their feelings in my face, covering me in angry saliva...does this mean, then, that I am doomed to live a life of complacency?

Not after reading Lappe's thoughts. Having a backbone does not have to be synonymous with being abrasive and outlandish...what if having a backbone simply means asserting my thoughts and values peacefully when the time arrives? Is it really that easy? I've recently felt this backbone start to develop, and I think I will be all the better for it...I am passionate about so many things, and it's time the world knows where I stand...if the weather's right...

Resolve...

I know, I know...it's resolution season...the moment before the calendar changes when we think of things we wish to improve about our existence, and we commit to work towards a goal...I've had a love/hate relationship with New Years resolutions...some years I have utterly cringed at the mention of them, others I have been sparked to commit to my own...in 2009, I am resolving to do many things, but I am optimistic that these things will not only lead to positive changes...they will also be refreshing for my spirit and soul...and so...I resolve....

1. Learn to Sew: I inherited my grandmother's sewing machine this year, and I am going to put it to good use...the ultimate goal is to sew my own clothes, to learn the ins and outs of sewing, to be able to make gifts for people using my newly learned craft...I've wanted to do this for a long time...this is the year...
2. Read 2 books a month: Now, for some of you this may sound like the easiest resolution ever...I learned this past semester that personal reading can quickly take a backseat when you are teaching literature and having to read so much of that on your own...I love to read and want to do more of it, reading what I desire to read...I'm starting with Hot, Flat and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution and How It Can Renew America...I got it for Christmas and it keeps calling my name...
3. Thomas and Teresa: Zac and I love making music and are in the beginnings of creating it together, just the two of us...we've aptly named our little duo "Thomas and Teresa" after two of our favorite Christian mystics (Thomas Merton and St. Teresa of Avila)...we've got the equipment...we've got the desire...we just need to make it a priority...stay tuned...
4. Write...and Write...and Write...: I'm committing to write SOMETHING everyday...to help, I'm working through a book of prompts by the glorious Natalie Goldberg, called Old Friend from Far Away: The Practice of Writing Memoir...I want to document every day of my life this year...because I have a sneaking suspicion that 2009 is going to be a beautiful mystery...

There you have it...I think I can honestly say that these goals are tangible...and for the first time in a long time, I am excited for a new beginning...2008 was full of so much life, bittersweetness, struggle, and change...I can't believe it's here...another year coming to a close...so this is the new year...

Dear Virginia...

Families across our country, across our world, cherish and hold close traditions for this miraculous season...several years ago, I started my own, personal tradition...each year, I read a letter that appeared in a New York City newspaper in 1897, written by the editor in response to an 8 year old girl's question...Is there a Santa Clause?? We could spend hours debating the pros and cons of Santa, arguing over his political correctness, but this editor, so many years ago, got it...of all the letters I have ever read, this is the most perfect...I pass my tradition on to you all this year...ENJOY...


Dear Editor,
I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says "If you see it in The Sun it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?
Virginia O'Hanlon,115 West 95th Street,New York City


Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love, and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias'. There would be no childlike faith, then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fill the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, not even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, cold tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view - and picture the supernatural beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!
Editorial Page, New York Sun, 1897


To you and yours, I wish you a most blessed holiday...believe and never lose childlike faith and wonder...

Damage Control

As some of you may know, I am in my first year of teaching...junior English...it's pretty amazing...some days are better than others, as I am still creating my "teaching persona"...that is, how I poise myself in the classroom, how I handle tough situations, and how I interact with students. Each day, I grow more and more confident in my abilities and my intellect, which is a big deal for me. I am not a shy person, but it has taken some time to strike the balance between "you can't do that in MY classroom" and "I care deeply for every single one of you as a human being and as my student"...today was a hard day...

Last week, I used a Flobots song as part of a lesson on poetic meter and rhythm, attempting to reach my students who so desperately need extra motivation in school. That day, I received rave reviews from students, with comments like "This was the best class...EVER!" and "We should listen to songs like this more often!"...I was overjoyed that there was finally a breakthrough...but for every action, there is an equal or opposite REaction...and today, I had to do damage control...I received an email from a superior who informed me that a parent alerted them to profane language being used in my classroom. Granted, there were two instances of profanity within the song in question...after reading the email, I was crushed...I had so many thoughts racing and overwhelming my psyche...because of an activity that I created, a student felt uncomfortable in my classroom...it has been my primary goal from Day One to create a comfortable, homey atmosphere in B20, and in 4 minutes and 39 seconds that was destroyed for someone...it has taken me the entire day to fully wrap my mind around the situation...my principal has been understanding and encouraging, which I appreciate more than words can express...I apologized to all of my classes and have promised myself that it will never happen again...sometimes, it is hard to find the middle ground between art and education...hopefully, tomorrow is a better day...

On a lighter note, and as a testament to the hilarity that ensues in my classes everyday...last week, we read and responded to the poetry of Emily Dickinson. For most of the final day, I heard groans and confused yelps...the bright spot came in 6th hour when one of my students said, "This chick is depressing...somebody needs to take her to Florida!!!" I rest my case that 11th graders are infinitely entertaining...in SO many ways....

The Advent Season

Today marks the beginning of Advent, a spiritual season that I greatly revere. Having been raised in the Methodist church, Advent was an ever-present element of the holiday season. Each Sunday I looked forward to another candle being lit, for the virtues I not only admire in a life of faith, but in a life as whole. Peace, joy, hope, and love...characteristics I see humanity losing grasp of everyday...being raised with Advent has shaped more of my life than I could have ever known at the time, as I still strive to find and spread peacejoyhopelove with each passing moment.

Now that I am grown, I gain a new appreciation for the true spirit of Advent...it is to be a time of yearning, longing even, for something far greater than ourselves that will move within the people and spark an anticipation for the gift that was offered to all thousands of years ago. This year, I hope my husband and I can take each day of the season and pause, preparing for the beginning of another year and another opportunity to spark change and love in our community. Through teaching and being involved with a church youth group, I can speak and say that love has become an afterthought...a fleeting philosophy that sadly surprises many when it is shown...when and how did we become confused and bewildered at utterances of good will? As of late, I am battling with this tremendously, within my own heart...if it was physically, viscerally possible I would walk the world and tell every human being that I love them...that I wish them peace in their lives...that I desire them to find joy in the simple, beautiful frames of living. I am constantly burdened by this, so much that my heart begins to pound and my ears are filled with muddiness...I know I will never come into contact with every living soul on the planet, but I can start with a few and plant the seeds of peace. To think...it all starts with seeds...

I am reading The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila and loving every minute of it. Once again, I have found a kindred spirit in a being that I will never meet, never share a cup of tea with...just confirms my mother's suspicions that I am an "old soul"...Zac has Thomas Merton, and I now have St. Teresa...Thomas and Teresa...hmmmmm....

Back to school tomorrow...I know my students will not be thrilled about starting poetry, specifically poetic meter, but hopefully the Flobots and some Def Jam Poetry will catalyze interest...hopefully...