Resolve...

I know, I know...it's resolution season...the moment before the calendar changes when we think of things we wish to improve about our existence, and we commit to work towards a goal...I've had a love/hate relationship with New Years resolutions...some years I have utterly cringed at the mention of them, others I have been sparked to commit to my own...in 2009, I am resolving to do many things, but I am optimistic that these things will not only lead to positive changes...they will also be refreshing for my spirit and soul...and so...I resolve....

1. Learn to Sew: I inherited my grandmother's sewing machine this year, and I am going to put it to good use...the ultimate goal is to sew my own clothes, to learn the ins and outs of sewing, to be able to make gifts for people using my newly learned craft...I've wanted to do this for a long time...this is the year...
2. Read 2 books a month: Now, for some of you this may sound like the easiest resolution ever...I learned this past semester that personal reading can quickly take a backseat when you are teaching literature and having to read so much of that on your own...I love to read and want to do more of it, reading what I desire to read...I'm starting with Hot, Flat and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution and How It Can Renew America...I got it for Christmas and it keeps calling my name...
3. Thomas and Teresa: Zac and I love making music and are in the beginnings of creating it together, just the two of us...we've aptly named our little duo "Thomas and Teresa" after two of our favorite Christian mystics (Thomas Merton and St. Teresa of Avila)...we've got the equipment...we've got the desire...we just need to make it a priority...stay tuned...
4. Write...and Write...and Write...: I'm committing to write SOMETHING everyday...to help, I'm working through a book of prompts by the glorious Natalie Goldberg, called Old Friend from Far Away: The Practice of Writing Memoir...I want to document every day of my life this year...because I have a sneaking suspicion that 2009 is going to be a beautiful mystery...

There you have it...I think I can honestly say that these goals are tangible...and for the first time in a long time, I am excited for a new beginning...2008 was full of so much life, bittersweetness, struggle, and change...I can't believe it's here...another year coming to a close...so this is the new year...

Dear Virginia...

Families across our country, across our world, cherish and hold close traditions for this miraculous season...several years ago, I started my own, personal tradition...each year, I read a letter that appeared in a New York City newspaper in 1897, written by the editor in response to an 8 year old girl's question...Is there a Santa Clause?? We could spend hours debating the pros and cons of Santa, arguing over his political correctness, but this editor, so many years ago, got it...of all the letters I have ever read, this is the most perfect...I pass my tradition on to you all this year...ENJOY...


Dear Editor,
I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says "If you see it in The Sun it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?
Virginia O'Hanlon,115 West 95th Street,New York City


Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love, and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias'. There would be no childlike faith, then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fill the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, not even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, cold tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view - and picture the supernatural beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!
Editorial Page, New York Sun, 1897


To you and yours, I wish you a most blessed holiday...believe and never lose childlike faith and wonder...

Damage Control

As some of you may know, I am in my first year of teaching...junior English...it's pretty amazing...some days are better than others, as I am still creating my "teaching persona"...that is, how I poise myself in the classroom, how I handle tough situations, and how I interact with students. Each day, I grow more and more confident in my abilities and my intellect, which is a big deal for me. I am not a shy person, but it has taken some time to strike the balance between "you can't do that in MY classroom" and "I care deeply for every single one of you as a human being and as my student"...today was a hard day...

Last week, I used a Flobots song as part of a lesson on poetic meter and rhythm, attempting to reach my students who so desperately need extra motivation in school. That day, I received rave reviews from students, with comments like "This was the best class...EVER!" and "We should listen to songs like this more often!"...I was overjoyed that there was finally a breakthrough...but for every action, there is an equal or opposite REaction...and today, I had to do damage control...I received an email from a superior who informed me that a parent alerted them to profane language being used in my classroom. Granted, there were two instances of profanity within the song in question...after reading the email, I was crushed...I had so many thoughts racing and overwhelming my psyche...because of an activity that I created, a student felt uncomfortable in my classroom...it has been my primary goal from Day One to create a comfortable, homey atmosphere in B20, and in 4 minutes and 39 seconds that was destroyed for someone...it has taken me the entire day to fully wrap my mind around the situation...my principal has been understanding and encouraging, which I appreciate more than words can express...I apologized to all of my classes and have promised myself that it will never happen again...sometimes, it is hard to find the middle ground between art and education...hopefully, tomorrow is a better day...

On a lighter note, and as a testament to the hilarity that ensues in my classes everyday...last week, we read and responded to the poetry of Emily Dickinson. For most of the final day, I heard groans and confused yelps...the bright spot came in 6th hour when one of my students said, "This chick is depressing...somebody needs to take her to Florida!!!" I rest my case that 11th graders are infinitely entertaining...in SO many ways....

The Advent Season

Today marks the beginning of Advent, a spiritual season that I greatly revere. Having been raised in the Methodist church, Advent was an ever-present element of the holiday season. Each Sunday I looked forward to another candle being lit, for the virtues I not only admire in a life of faith, but in a life as whole. Peace, joy, hope, and love...characteristics I see humanity losing grasp of everyday...being raised with Advent has shaped more of my life than I could have ever known at the time, as I still strive to find and spread peacejoyhopelove with each passing moment.

Now that I am grown, I gain a new appreciation for the true spirit of Advent...it is to be a time of yearning, longing even, for something far greater than ourselves that will move within the people and spark an anticipation for the gift that was offered to all thousands of years ago. This year, I hope my husband and I can take each day of the season and pause, preparing for the beginning of another year and another opportunity to spark change and love in our community. Through teaching and being involved with a church youth group, I can speak and say that love has become an afterthought...a fleeting philosophy that sadly surprises many when it is shown...when and how did we become confused and bewildered at utterances of good will? As of late, I am battling with this tremendously, within my own heart...if it was physically, viscerally possible I would walk the world and tell every human being that I love them...that I wish them peace in their lives...that I desire them to find joy in the simple, beautiful frames of living. I am constantly burdened by this, so much that my heart begins to pound and my ears are filled with muddiness...I know I will never come into contact with every living soul on the planet, but I can start with a few and plant the seeds of peace. To think...it all starts with seeds...

I am reading The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila and loving every minute of it. Once again, I have found a kindred spirit in a being that I will never meet, never share a cup of tea with...just confirms my mother's suspicions that I am an "old soul"...Zac has Thomas Merton, and I now have St. Teresa...Thomas and Teresa...hmmmmm....

Back to school tomorrow...I know my students will not be thrilled about starting poetry, specifically poetic meter, but hopefully the Flobots and some Def Jam Poetry will catalyze interest...hopefully...

Seasons Change

I created this blog about a month and a half ago and am just now getting around to creating my first post. I feel, though, that this is coming at an appropriate time of year, of life. The season has officially changed and cold can no longer be avoided. The days are crisp and action is invigorated. I hope to use this blog in many ways; to share experiences from life and my first year of teaching, to share my writing, which is rare, and to create a vehicle with which to invoke all that permeates my thoughts during the day, to put down in text. Here is what I have for the world at this time:

In the land of wheat
Full of field and sun
Where the summer's hot
and the winter is strange
where the weather blends from
season to season
a change is blowing in and it can not...
SHOULD not
be ignored
tornadoes come and we jump into the bathtub
a storm and the lights go off,
and we scream from fear of darkness
We have been promised protection...
We have been saved from a miry pit...
Because we have so freely received, we have much to give,
And as change comes, we must offer more than ever...
Make ourselves available to listen...to work...
to dance with those who need to dance...
To bring understanding and community to the table,
that all may be filled with a warm portion
of something greater than the earthly powers that be...